


call your name

by pilotsirens



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Royalty, Blood and Injury, Childhood Friends to Lovers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heartbreaking, Heavy Angst, I Made Myself Cry, Inspired by Fanart, M/M, Prince!Felix, Sacrifice, Sad, inspired by their mama 2020 performance, this will destroy you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:02:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28029729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pilotsirens/pseuds/pilotsirens
Summary: “You know I love you right?”Hyunjin smiled, and it was so beautiful that for a second Felix forgot about the blood smearing his face. “I wish you’d told me this sooner. But I’m glad to hear it know.”
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix
Comments: 7
Kudos: 63





	call your name

**Author's Note:**

> so. I was scrolling on twitter like I do everyday and I stumbled upon a Beautiful and Heartbreaking fanart that you can find here on [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/CIn_MXvF0Ys/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link) and here on [twitter](https://twitter.com/pingugu05/status/1337269132316688385?s=20). and this fanart broke my HEART so I decided to write about it to break more hearts. you're welcome. please give lots of love to the original artist as they did an amazing job!!
> 
> the title is from attack on titan's ost "call your name" by hiroyuki sawano. you can check the song out, it matches perfectly the tone of this fic, even the lyrics do :D
> 
> also, I cried while writing this at 2am. do what you want with this information.

Felix felt his entire body freeze. He didn’t dare make a move, as if staying still would suddenly stop time. This couldn’t be happening. It had to be a dream, an hallucination his delirious mind had conjured up because of the pain plaguing his body. His head was hurting so much he had trouble telling apart what was real and what was not. Maybe he was dead. After all, a moment ago a bow was pointed at him, and he was too weak to escape. He’d resigned himself to die. But no matter how close he’d been to pass away, the pain in his body and the weight on his chest proved that he was still very much alive… But at what price?

He lowered his eyes, lips trembling slightly, afraid of what he was going to see. He wanted to close his eyes and believe that he was somewhere else, miles away from the battlefield, miles away from the chaos, miles away from the body pressed against his. 

His eyes fell on the hair first, silver just like starlight, and a pained cry escaped his lips. He knew who it was from the start, he just hadn’t wanted to admit it. He opened his mouth, but no sound came.  _ No, no, no, no. It can’t be.  _ If the horrific sight he was witnessing was reality, he wanted to go back to the pain-induced hallucinations now. Anything but this. Hell, he would’ve even prefered being killed by the archer. He would rather be dead than seeing the love of his life dying in his arms.

“Hyunjin…” he whispered, voice breaking. His eyes were fixed on the arrow shafts sticking out of the other man’s back. Blood was pooling around the wounds, the color darker than Hyunjin’s shirt. He wanted them out, wanted Hyunjin to get up and to smile at him like he always did. His smile always made Felix feel better. “Hyunjin, please, wake up…”

It was like the battlefield around him had grown distant suddenly, the sounds of the fighting muffled as if Felix’s head was underwater. The soldier who’d aimed at him before Hyunjin stepped in had disappeared. Maybe he was another lifeless body on the ground by now. All the others, Chan, Minho, Jeongin, they must be somewhere, trying to stay alive. The raging battle cries, the roars of pain, the screams of the soldiers who witnessed a friend die, Felix couldn’t hear them anymore. 

He was glad that at least they were hidden behind a temple in ruins, which meant they wouldn’t be discovered immediately. He managed to crawl here a few moments before the archer had come, and before Hyunjin sacrificed himself for him.  _ Sacrifice.  _ The word seemed unreal, a distant idea, something you read in books or hear in spoken stories told around the fireplace. Not something you have to witness. 

He was aware that the world was still moving around him, that people were still fighting for him, for his kingdom, but he didn’t understand. How could everyone go on with their lives as if nothing had happened, when Felix’s world had just crumbled? 

He couldn’t move, he could only stare at Hyunjin’s beautiful silver hair, afraid to touch him. Hair that he liked so much, hair he’d ran his hand through countless times, hair that was now tainted with blood. His body was still hurting from his previous wounds, and he knew he probably had a broken ankle, but at that moment nothing else mattered. 

“I’m glad… I was on time…” murmured a familiar voice, and Felix choked on a sob. Hope blossomed in his chest, a foolish, ridiculous hope. He knew this was just borrowed time. Hyunjin would not survive to the three arrows that had pierced his skin. Even if he was still alive for now, it wouldn’t be the case for long. He wanted to scream at the unfairness of it all, but he had to make the most of what they had left. 

“Oh my god,” he sobbed, tears streaming down his face. “I thought… ”

He couldn’t bring himself to say the words, because then it would make everything painfully real. Maybe if they left it unspoken, they could trick death itself? 

Hyunjin straightened up, leaning on Felix’s shoulders so as not to fall backwards, wincing in pain. His face was covered with dust and sweat and blood, a reminder of the war they’d been fighting, but his eyes were still soft. They were the eyes Felix knew by heart, because he’d spent hours drowning in them. Shades of black and brown framed by long eyelashes, and a beauty mark under his left eye. He couldn’t see it now, hidden under layers of dirt, but he knew it was here. This was the face of the man he loved. The man he’d loved for so many years, even though he’d never told him. 

More tears fell. His body was still aching, but the most painful thing was the hole in his chest as he was slowly realizing what this was the last time he was seeing him. 

“Are you okay?” asked Hyunjin, his eyes filled with concern as he looked at Felix. 

Felix was convinced he would never be okay again. He raised a hand to stroke Hyunjin’s face gently, not trusting himself to talk. He shook his head. 

“I’m sorry,” said Hyunjin. He was smiling softly, and Felix wanted to tell him to stop, that this was not the time to smile, not when he was about to leave him alone. “I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you.” 

His eyelids fluttered and he let out a cry of pain, clutching his chest. He coughed a bit of blood, and Felix started to look around, panicked, as if he could find someone to heal him in the middle of a battle. They were not exactly in the heart of the fighting, which was probably why they could have this conversation right now, but there was still no one to help around. Nothing but dead bodies, allies and enemies alike. Why did it matter who they had pledged allegiance to? They were dead all the same now. 

“Do you think  _ I  _ want to lose you?” he exclaimed desperately, holding on to Hyunjin like his life depended on it. It probably did. For as long as he could remember, the silver-haired boy had been by his side. There was no way he could live without him. “Do you think  _ I  _ can bear the thought of losing you?”

They were toddlers when they met for the first time, barely old enough to understand the meaning of friendship. Felix was the prince, heir to the throne, and Hyunjin the son of a guard and a servant. Hyunjin’s mother was the Queen’s personal guard, and they were very close. When the two women found out they were pregnant almost at the same time, and Hyunjin’s mother had to stop doing her job momentarily because her condition didn’t allow it, they spent their days together.

Since they were born so little time apart, and they were the only children in the castle except for Felix’s older sister, their parents had always found it natural to let them play together. They grew up attached at the hip, and became best friends very soon. 

They would play hide-and-seek in the gardens, draw on the pavement courtyard with colourful chalks, explore every nook and cranny of the castle, make bracelets and necklaces with beads they found in an old jewellery box, imagine stories with dragons and princesses. They talked about their own princesses that they would meet someday, how great it would be. 

But Felix realized growing up that he didn’t care about princesses. He had been told all his childhood that someday, a girl would make his heart flutter and butterflies soar in his stomach, and that he would feel like he could do anything for her. But he didn’t feel this way with any of the girls his parents started to introduce him to when he turned fourteen. When he was with one of them having tea, his eyes kept drifting to the windows, and to the training grounds where he knew Hyunjin was learning how to master an arsenal of weapons. He’d chosen to follow his mother’s footsteps and become a guard, Felix’s personal guard. They were both excited at the idea, because it meant they would get to stay together. Felix wanted nothing more than to have his best friend by his side for all of his life. 

____________

It was Hyunjin who first brought up the subject of soulmates. Felix was doing a lot of reading in the library for his royal lessons, and Hyunjin kept him company once he’d finished training for the day. He would test Felix on his knowledge, or read books to distract himself while waiting for the youngest to finish his homework. One day he stumbled upon an old poetry collection that he read by curiosity. 

A poem in particular drew his attention. It talked about scriptures that the stars had gathered, destiny meddling with humans, the infinite certainty of having someone whose soul was identical to yours. It described the feeling of fulfilment you had when you found this special someone, the contentment of being by their side. 

“It’s funny,” said Hyunjin. “This is how I feel about you. It’s like we were meant for each other.”

“What are you talking about?”

Felix was working on a particularly difficult assignment his history teacher had given him, and every distraction was welcome. 

“I don’t know, I found this. See for yourself.”

He handed him the book, and Felix read attentively. “You think we’re … Soulmates?”

“It would make sense, don’t you think?” said Hyunjin excitedly. “I feel the most at ease when I’m with you. It’s not like that with other people I know. You’re special.”

Felix had never really thought about his connection with Hyunjin as special. To him, it was only natural, something he’d gotten used to over the course of the years. Sure, he’d never feel the same with anyone, but he figured it was because they knew each other so well. 

“Maybe we are,” he chuckled, a fond look on his face as he noticed Hyunjin’s enthusiasm. “I like the idea.”

Later, when they were both lying in Felix’s bed, too tired to play cards or sneak in the gardens to admire the beauty of the night sky, the prince asked him a question.

“Can you promise me something?”

“Of course,” answered Hyunjin. “Anything."

“If our souls really are made to complete the other … It means I can’t really live without you. So can you promise you will never leave me?” 

Hyunjin held his hand and squeezed it. “Of course I’ll never leave you. I’ll always be with you, I promise you.”

_____________

When they turned seventeen, they got the authorization to wander in the city. It was a whole new world to discover, even though they rarely had the time to go there because of Felix’s lessons and Hyunjin’s training sessions. During one of their explorations, they discovered a spot next to the river that not a lot of people knew about considering it was always empty. They went there often, because they could talk without being heard and remove their hoods and cloaks without Felix taking the risk of being recognised. 

One day it was a hot summer afternoon, a few weeks before Felix’s eighteenth birthday, and they were there laying in the grass in silence, just enjoying the feeling of the sun on their skin. Then Felix felt Hyunjin brushing his knuckles tentatively, before getting bold and intertwining their fingers completely and squeezing his hand. There was no particular reason for him to do it. Usually, they held hands when one of them was sad and needed comfort, or when they were so happy they couldn’t hold themselves. 

Felix’s cheeks heated up at once, and it had nothing to do with the weather. An emotion he’d never felt before suddenly bubbled up in his chest, filling him with joy and excitement. There they were, the butterflies, he realized as he squeezed Hyunjin’s hand back, earning a soft smile from the other.  _ So that’s what all the fuss was about.  _

They never really talked about it, but it happened more and more often. They held hands when it was just the both of them. They cuddled in Felix’s bed at night, when Hyunjin managed to get past the guards. They’d always been physically close, hugging and holding hands and everything, because Hyunjin expressed his affection with physical touch, but it was different than before. Now there was an unspoken thing between them, something they were too afraid to name, too afraid to even consider. 

Felix felt everything he was supposed to feel with girls. The butterflies, the heart fluttering, the happiness, the fact that he would’ve gone to space to bring Hyunjin the moon had he asked for it. The tales were right. It was an amazing feeling.

He could never get enough of Hyunjin. They spent almost all of their time together, but the rare moments they were apart, Felix was restless, impatient to have him back by his side. They understood each other like no one else did. Soulmates, like they had said all those years ago. It proved true every single day.

Felix had a lot of duties and responsibilities as the heir to the throne, of course, but he managed to reconcile moments with Hyunjin and moments where he had to meet his obligations. His parents let him do almost everything he wanted as long as he participated in the decisions concerning the kingdom, but if he’d agreed immediately at first, he soon realized it meant that he had to attend countless boring meetings with the Council all day long. It wasn’t ideal, but he knew it was his destiny from the moment he was born. He was the future king. He couldn’t spend all his time with Hyunjin, as much as he wanted nothing else.

It started to get weird when his parents began to allude to the fact that maybe he would be in need of a fiancée soon. His older sister could not bear children, meaning the responsibility of the lineage fell to him, and they wanted to ensure their bloodline would not end with him. The thought of marrying at the age of nineteen was already disturbing, but thinking of having children was even worse. Besides, he’d figured by then that he was deeply in love with Hyunjin. How could he want anyone else, when his heart was already taken? 

He’d never talked about it with Hyunjin, too afraid of his reaction. But he had every intention of doing so. He would not give up and find a wife if Hyunjin returned his feelings. He had resolved to confess soon, and if he rejected him, he would accept his parents’ offer to organize a ball to meet possible wives. 

But the war broke out before he could have a discussion with him. It was never a good time, and then it was too late. Hongjoong, the leader of the rebels, started a revolution that ignited the whole country. He was a member of a group of people whose parents had been exiled long ago, and they came to reclaim what they had been deprived of for so long: a country to call theirs. They wanted to burn the castle to the ground, king and queen and everyone devoted to them included, and avenge their parents who had died far away from their home.

Everyone in the royal capital was absorbed in the war preparations, especially the guards, and Felix even more, as it would be the first time he would implement everything he’d been taught from his childhood. He discussed strategy and military decisions with the generals and his parents, and he barely saw Hyunjin, only from afar. 

The first battle took place in the field behind the castle, where once upon a time tournaments had been held, after days of fear and apprehension. The rebels were numerous, and skilled. The fate of the kingdom was unsure. 

Felix had gone to battle like everyone else, his status as a prince not protecting him when it came to situations like this. It was an honor to fight to protect his people.

He didn’t see Hyunjin before going to the battle. He was scared for him, for everyone that he loved. In the end, he was the one wounded several times, and he ended up at the mercy of a simple archer who probably didn’t know he was a prince. Until Hyunjin stepped in. Until Hyunjin saved his life, until he sacrificed for him.

Now he was holding him in his arms, tears clouding his vision. He wanted to believe this was a bad dream and he was going to wake up. 

“Hyunjin… You promised… You promised you’d stay with me forever.” The lump in his throat was getting bigger every second, and his cheeks were wet with tears. 

The smile on Hyunjin’s face was infinitely sad. “I know. I’m sorry I failed you, Your Highness.”

A chuckle escaped Felix’s wobbling lips. “I told you to stop calling me that.”

It was a joke between them, like a script learnt by heart after all the time he’d been repeated. Hyunjin called him that when he wanted to tease him, because he knew Felix would react immediately and protest. He loved making him flustered.

“You have to stay. There’s still so much things we haven’t done, places we haven’t explored yet. I don’t want to see them without you,” he pleaded.

Hyunjin didn’t answer, the sad look on his face proving that he already knew this would never happen.

“You know I love you right?” murmured Felix finally, even if there was no one around to hear. 

The words had been waiting to be spoken for so long, he exhaled them like a prayer. Finally he’d said it. The big secret was now out. 

Hyunjin smiled, and it was so beautiful that for a second Felix forgot about the blood smearing his face. “I wish you’d told me this sooner. But I’m glad to hear it now. I love you too, so much. I’ve loved you for so long, Lee Felix, my friend, my prince… My soulmate.” 

Felix sobbed in silence, his heart threatening to burst with emotion. Hyunjin loved him too. All these years, they’d loved each other. The thought was comforting and devastating at the same time. “Can I kiss you?”

Hyunjin nodded slowly, repressing a grimace of pain. Felix leaned on, and their lips met. It tasted like blood and salt, but Felix had been waiting for this to happen for so long that he didn’t mind. 

Hyunjin’s breathing was slower now, which could only mean one thing. Felix felt his eyes well up with tears again, and before he could try to hold them back, they were rolling down his cheeks. He hiccuped, sobbing silently as Hyunjin was looking at him so fondly Felix’s heart broke a little more. 

“Felix?” 

His name was so soft and sweet coming from Hyunjin’s lips. He would never get tired of it. 

“Yes?” he managed to say between two sobs. 

“You’ll never really lose me, you know? I’ll be with you at every step. I’ll be watching over you.”

His vision had become so blurry Felix couldn’t even see him. He stroked Hyunjin’s hair, tears running freely and dropping on his lover’s face. 

“I know,” he whimpered. 

“It will be hard, but you’ll manage. I know you. You’re strong, and resilient.”

“I’m not,” he shook his head vehemently. “Not without you.” 

“Of course you are! We’re soulmates, remember? Everything you did when we were together, you can do on your own. Our souls are the same, but they’re not two halves of the same entity. Without me, your soul will still be complete, and you’ll still be the same. You're so kind, but you’re also so tough. You will be a great king.”

He coughed blood some more, and his voice became strained. “I’m so glad I got the chance to meet you. I’m so glad I got the chance to be loved by you.”

He squeezed Felix’s hand and smiled softly.

“Farewell, my prince. It was an honour to know you.” 

He closed his eyes, expired one last breath, and Felix let out a cry, bursting into tears. He hugged Hyunjin to his chest, holding him tightly and cradling him like a baby, whispering anything that came to his mind, begging him to wake up, telling him he loved him, that he needed him, pleading the gods to bring him back the man he loved. 

He didn’t know for how long he stayed like that, Hyunjin’s body against his, not willing to let go of him for the last time. They were lying on the ground, probably passing for corpses among all the others real ones around them. Felix didn’t care. He didn’t think he would even care about something again. 

When Chan and the others found him, his eyes were dry. He didn’t have to talk. They understood. 

Later, when they were all safe in the castle, they explained to him what had happened. The enemies had retreated, but it wasn’t the end of the war. They would come back until they got what they wanted. What exactly did they want? Felix would’ve given it to them. He would’ve given up his kingdom, his status as a prince and all his worthy possessions if it meant Hyunjin could live. 

He’d died protecting him. He’d died protecting the man he loved, his soulmate. And the pain was unbearable. It would be hard getting used to his absence. Felix would still wake up at night calling his name, would still have the reflex to turn to his side to talk to him, would still hold his hand in the air for nothing, waiting for someone to take it. But he would manage. He had to. 

Maybe in another life, they would reunite. They would find each other again, against all odds, because they were soulmates. No one could take this from him. They had taken away his lover, but they could not change the bound tying them together. 

“I’ll find you in our future lives, I promise you,” he swore to the starry sky, the night after his death. 

And he did. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> IF YOU HAVEN'T, PLEASE CHECK THE FANART THAT INSPIRED THIS FIC [HERE](https://twitter.com/pingugu05/status/1337269132316688385?s=20) !!!
> 
> sooo. I'm sorry I broke your heart. I have a twitter if you want to scream at me, it's @saturnaslan ... ehe


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